am i dreaming?

JT,

for some reason, you've decided to give me a break for the last 2 days.  you've done everything i've requested after the first time i asked; you've done homework and chores before heading outside to play with your friends without argument; you've gone to bed with no delays..... i'm not sure what to make of this.  i feel like i've been here before. 3-5 days is usually your max.  i REALLY REALLY want to believe this is the real deal.  but i'll take however many days you give me.  i feel such a sense of relief. i've almost been reduced to tears a few times in the past 48 hours.  why the dramatics?  because for the first time, i felt like the mom i always thought i could/would be.  i've doubted myself and beat myself up so many times for how harsh i felt i was treating you at times.  i've questioned myself as a person, wondering how i could possible be soooo frustrated and angry at a child. a child who is mine!  it's enough to drive a person crazy.  but as you behaved "normally" (or at least how i imagine 80% of children to act), i realized that i should not be so hard on myself.  you are a difficult personality. i don't even mean that as a dig. i love you so tremendously but the fact is, you are a difficult personality to deal with.  the things we love about you also come with cons.  you have always been extremely verbal and expressive (plus) but you also express your anger and frustration to us ALL.THE.TIME (minus)...... you are extremely athletic (plus) but you have EXTREME energy and could never bother to nap or sleep even close to the recommended hours (minus).... those are the two biggest examples but of course there are many. i think your dad and i are very good at understanding and meeting your needs, most of the time. but we are human so of course after years of this very high energy behavior, we can get very beat down.....

i told you once during one of our heated arguments that i have questioned my parenting a million times and try every single day to do better.. i told you maybe it wasn't me after all, but you.  maybe you should care about our relationship and what it's doing to us as much as i do. some may say that is a lot to say to a 7 year old but we have always communicated openly and honestly and i honestly felt like that. these past few days make me think maybe i was right. a small change in your behavior has led to so much peace and calmness in our household.  you are such a cornerstone in our family.  with great honor comes great responsibility but i trust you will be able to rise to the occasion.

you are remarkable.  one day i'll be able to share with you the depth of my feelings about it.  for now, i want you to stay humble and do not want you to feel that you are "better" than anyone, especially your sister. but you are remarkable, in my eyes. your grandmother (my mother) told me when you were 7 months old that i would have a challenge on my hands.  she predicted that you could go on to do amazing things or get into a lot of trouble. after the passed away, i've thought about her words a lot (doesn't translate very well) but i think she was onto something.... i pray that your dad and i will be adequate enough to equip you for your journey in life.... i love you.