JT (or should i call you JT TANK, your new self-imposed nickname)? :),
this week you started 3rd grade. you've started out the year with a bang! you have a great teacher, you feel very positive and you have buddies in your class..all super awesome. you're playing on headfirst so you'll be doing baseball now until little league starts up again.
i honestly see so much of your own personality and character developing these days. we can no longer mold you as easily as we did when you were younger.
this week, you were trading toys with a 5 year old friend on our block. apparently, the trade involved some small parts and lost pieces (on his end). at the end of the night, his dad demanded you give him the unbroken parts you traded for, even though the other boy lost his parts. you tried to explain that the boy lost his parts and these were YOUR parts but the dad used his authority to make you feel like you had to hand them over. you, being you, handed them over and came back home feeling sad and defeated. angry tears were coming out of your eyes and i could feel your frustration with the situation. i know it hurt you more that you were being treated unfairly than it was to lose your pieces. your dad was telling you all these things you could say or do to the boy and dad next time but after he was done venting his own anger, you said, "i don't want to do or say those things, dad. i feel uncomfortable and it's just not me". when i heard you say that to your dad, my heart was filled with pride and love for you. to say that, it meant to me that
A) you're not afraid of your dad
B) you have a sense of self
C) you are thinking critically
all of these things i value incredibly and it's beautiful that you are a person who does not like to hurt others or think in terms of revenge or "getting back at someone". at baseball yesterday, another kid also kinda railroaded you at 1st base, pushing you off saying he "called it first". instead of shoving back and yelling, you told me you didn't think it was worth it and you let him go first. while your dad and i respected your decision, we also told you that it's ok to stand up for yourself and push back, when needed. you didn't want to start beef with a new teammate so i understand but at the same time, i worry that you don't feel like you can stick up for yourself.
my love, this is the struggle i have with myself every day. watching you grapple with issues and then giving you the space to deal with it. and then just being there for you when the consequences of your decisions play out. i told you last night that the main thing to remember in all of this is that your dad and i support you. you can always come to us. we have your back. we still trust you (until you give us reason not to). we love you. i believe in letting you deal with things and not stepping in like that father on our street. i hope that the tools and strategies you learn from these experiences will go on to help you throughout your life. and at the end of it all, you have a safe space with me.
